Social Nutworking

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I am not on Facebook, Twitter, Orkut (remember that?), or any of their equivalents. There, I said it. No procrastination, or beating around the bush. Straight to it. No transitional material. I have a topic to write about, and I am going to so, without any further ado. 

My reasons for not jumping on the Social Networking bandwagon are varied, and I maintain that they are mine alone. If anyone feels differently, I will be happy to engage in an open minded debate in the comments section. 

Twitter, as the name suggests, is just for twittering, or tweeting, to use the modern lingo. But I have discovered the ultimate escape from twitter- the proverbial GodMode option. So now using twitter for me will be just as surprising and refreshing as reading Harry Potter again (for the eighteenth time) or playing Mario Kart Wii, or proving that entropic changes alone are not adequate criteria for judging spontaneity of reactions. I know the way out, the ultimate Tweet, that can be used as an answer to virtually every other tweet in the world  I am yet to find a 140 character exception to my rule. 
I give you, the Ultimate Tweet :

"So what?" 

It works every time. 
Some examples: " am at the @Nike, looking 4 shoes Fingers crossed! #hopeless #IReallyCouldn'tCareLess"
Or 
"@Belarus have won #WorldSkeetShootingChampionship. Congrats:) ! !
 #don'tGiveA<expletive>

Just live your lives, for God's sake. I can go for a few hours without knowing if your stuck in traffic, or that today is Hitler's athimber's birthday. You don't need to tell me every single freakin' detail of your life. 

Now, Facebook, on the other hand, I feel is more subtle, not as juvenile and childish as Twitter. But I don't like it for the simple fact that it demolishes the fine art of making comebacks, when insulted. Doing it face to face, impromptu, is a lot more respectable to sulking and "unfriending" offensive people on FB. 
I shall illustrate the point I am trying to make with examples from history. 

1. George Bernard Shaw (famous screen writer) vs. Winston Churchill (PM of Britain)
GBS: I have sent you tickets for the opening day of my latest show. Please bring a friend, only if you have one. 
WC: I'm sorry, I can't make it to opening day. I will be happy to attend the second day, only if the show runs till then. 

2. Mahatma Gandhi vs. British Journalist. 
Journalist:  So, Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of our western civilisation? 
MG: If you had it, I am sure it would be a great idea. 

3. Winston Churchill vs. OtherCandidateInElections
OCIE: Sir, given your way of life, I don't know whether you will meet your end at the hands of a vicious alcoholic or at the hands of Syphilis. 
WC: That, dear Sir, will depend on whether I chose to screw with you, or your mother. 

Find me a comeback like that last one, and I'll eat my words. 


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