Musical Rant

Note: This blog just hit 100 readers, so I realised I must be doing something right. So I decided to do exactly the opposite, and you are most likely to have your personal choices decimated in what follows. 

The past few days have given rise to significant causes for celebration, and not just because Modi became PM. I have finally reached that stage of proficiency on the mridangam that my right thumb has started swelling up and is causing me intense pain. 

Just FYI, the mridangam is a Carnatic percussion instrument. But calling it an "instrument" is like calling Pokemon a "game", or like calling Albert Einstein "quite smart". The mridangam is over 2000 years old, and is made out of jack wood, cow hide, and a paste of rice, iron fillings and manganese. Mine is around three feet long, and weighs close to 12 kilos. 

"But," you say, "Why should this swelling be a cause of happiness?" I'll tell you why. It finally signifies to the world that I am a member of the elite group of people who can claim to have callous thumbs. (Ironically, all fingers on the hand, except the thumb, are involved in the actual music production. I think that the repeated impact upon the double reinforced cow hide is causing this particular bodily outgrowth.)

Just to clarify, all I am saying is that I practise a lot. I don't profess to be any good at it.

Now, the reason that I suddenly decided to talk about my musical prowess (I can see my teacher snort in derision), is because I finally heard snippets of what my peers call music. It was, well, disturbing, to say the least. 

The lyrics of one particular song go, "I was born with a <male reproductive organ> in my brain". I mean, seriously. Male reproductive organ, in the brain! 

I think, for I am not sure, that this particular piece of poetic genius was the handiwork of the one called Eminem. Now, this guy has several songs to his name, the aforementioned one being the first, and thankfully, last one of his that I have heard. 

I have heard people extoll his virtues in spades, however. Apparently, he had a tough childhood. Just so you know, other people who fall into the group of "had a tough childhood" include Einstein, Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Beethoven, Dickens, Shakespeare, and many others. Correct me if I'm wrong, but these people gave humanity gems like relativity, and phrases like "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times". None of them could even contemplate cursing their own mothers with the kind of profanity that I feel is only excusable from college boys, with advanced Tourette's syndrome. 

Call me old fashioned if you will, but where you see an idol, someone to be imitated, I can only see a man in need of serious psychological help. There is something wrong with him, for no fault of his, and he needs to be seen by a qualified medical professional. I feel it is beyond the capacity of a sane man to pen such troubling lyrics. 

Let's go off on a tangent now, and see what kinds of music people listen to these days.

I have classified them with danger ratings. 

Grade I- should be actively discouraged, and avoided. Even marginal exposure will cause permanent brain damage. 

AKA Herpes class

 Rap. Rap music, in itself is an oxymoron. Gun fire, in WWII was more musical than rap. 

Chief Practitioners- Mainly men who can't spell, or even get a bloody surname, like Eminem, Li'l Wayne, Drake, 50 cent, Yo Yo Honey Singh, etc. 

Grade II- just avoid it. Listen to, only if you are out of options, and wish to reduce your perceptivity to real music. 

AKA The Bodhai (stupor) class

Two words are enough for me to tell you why this should be avoided- Justin Bieber. 

Chief Practitioners- fairly attractive people, and Justin Bieber, with moderately good voices who reuse computer effects and guitar solos, to the point where they become cliches. 

Grade III- more mindless droning, with a solid background beat 

Bollywood and film music. 

These people can convert beautiful ideas like, "Your love is very special to me" into 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AihilcnejBA

Chief Practitioners- people who think it is cool to ape the so called "music" of Class I and II members. 

Class IV- does little damage, but better than all the other options. Very rarely heard out loud. 

AKA Manmohan Singh Class

This consists of musical genii, who have taken to composing the wrong form of music. Most of their work is good, though. 

Chief Practitioners- AR Rahman and Ilayaraja. 

PS I dislike all the above mentioned forms of music. I believe that musical preferences are subjective in nature. There is nothing wrong with you if you like to listen to film music, or stuff like that. I just don't see the point of it. These are my views, and mine alone. If anyone cares to differ, then do it on your own blog.